A love of Libraries

I <3 books

I spent a good portion of today in the Library. and another giant portion thinking of Libraries in general, so I spent some more time writing this essay of a post.

Oh how I miss libraries. I used to live in the library when I was younger. It was part of my school, a curiosity shop which took my mind and my home-school projects on a massive web of informative tangents. I took part in all of the reading schemes twice even Thrice over, I used to know the librarians by name and when they came in, they all knew me and the rest of the clan. Mum used to have to look all round the library for me when it came to home time, you could never be sure which section I'd be in, adult fiction, junior non fiction, music, language, pet care.. all of them. The first library I ever went to was mutsy, old and full of giant bookcases looming over you, enclosing you in this little tiny piece of calm where you could bury into a book and come out hours later a little bit disorientated. Your books got stamped by a middle aged woman that talked in hushed tones with a look like she'd read all the books a hundred times over. I remember the first Cassette I ever bought, it was 50p from the library clearance an album, either the beach boys or the monkeys.. I don't remember that bit (if your reading this and you dont know me, I do sound at least 30 having bought the monkeys/ beachboys, I'm actually only 22 and 3/4's, I just always loved a bargain)

Source

Oh, there was some steps outside it, I remember and mum always used to bump into people and stop and talk and me and my brother would take turns sliding down the hand rail. hah, memories.

Then they opened up a new library and the old one turned into a mosque I think. The new library was literally next door and had electric doors, cd players, computers and everything that the old one didnt, except a little bit of charm. All bright lights and metal shelves that wipe clean and don't soak up the characters and plots, the hard work and hours upon hours of writing and rewriting of dedicated authors and the hundreds or sets of eyes and minds that had read the stories, loved and taken them on as their own.

So when we moved, I was older, I spent less time in the library and reading and more time concentrating on teenage angst and worrying about growing up, but there was a fabulously grand library building, there still is and it recently reopened after having millions (not an exact figure there) spent on modernising and updating it.

Sourced from 'AuntySocial'

Today was the first time I'd spent any time in the newly opened 'Blackpool Central Library', and I cant help but be a little disappointed perhaps? On the good side of the renovation is it's accessibility, there's ramps, lifts, plenty of space for wheelchairs, A new cafe, a reading lounge and it was pretty busy, people obviously love it in there,  all the computers were busy, all of the newspapers were being read and the cafe was... open (I wont go on about that experience..) but the actual book part of the library, the part where people go, mingle and make friends with their imaginations, was barren (a little bit like the folder on my emails labelled 'Job Offers')

One of the saddest sights I saw is that the young people section. In the pre renovated library, it was owned and created by young people; good lighting, bright colours, artwork, comfy seating that you could settle down into. well, that's disappeared, a huge step back and two fingers up to young people who have tried and proved that they can put mind, thought and effort into a project. shame on the architects/ designers for not keeping their hard work.

They also have a reading lounge, which is cute, I see where they were going with it, it's a little room with three giant arm chairs and a selection of coffee table books, classics and newspapers. it makes you think of a little snug, but it isn't very (snug I mean) it's a great step forward from the reading area I remember back in that first library, an area taken over by a huge conference table full of old men spreading out the financial times and frowning at the little girl wanting a seat with the latest Jacqueline Wilson or Virginia Andrews.

Also, a security guard? The mind boggles.

The library as a whole; it's modern, it's new, it's light and airy, and it still had a lot of great books mixed in with a mass of self help books on any topic imaginable. But you can't get lost in it. That's how I like them, Libraries AND books.

The future for librarians??

13 days till the snow!

The countdown! 

So I've been and got a jacket, I've got some boots, gloves, a million hats my passport, all I need now is some new thermals my bus ticket.... and to find out where I'll be going. woo! Soo... I've never tried skiing before, but I could be awesome, orrrrr, i could be shite. either way I'm going and I'm pretty excited. Free flights, free ski pass and hire, most of the day in the snow entertaining some kids? deal. 

Meanwhile, 

Have I managed to get out of bed at a reasonable time? No, Have I had any job offers/interveiws? No, am I bored, frustrated and off my rocker from not working? Fuck Yes. 

Cocktails in teapots??! madness..

But I did make my own sweet potato and lentil pate. yum.

x Fi

Fonduely

Spoon head!

Fluffy bunny champion

Fondue, attempts 1 and 2, the first being the stuff in the bowl that looks like mud.

fonduely

beating myself up

If I were you, I'd tell me to get a grip.

If I were you, I'd tell me to get up, go out, do something.

If I were you, I'd tell me to enjoy having some time out, to take the chance to do what I always complain that I don't have time to do. or see, hear and experience things that I miss when I'm not here.

You, would tell me (being you) that it's hard to get out of bed, to get dressed before 12, because theirs nothing to get up for.

If I were you, I'd shake my head and tell me that you don't know how lucky you are.

If you were me, what would you do? get up early? Go for a walk? or have a lie in and relentlessly scroll through pages upon pages of job adverts that want me (being you) and not you (being me). Write up the list of rejections to show just what you're doing with your time?

If I were you

If you were me...?

well now then Doley bum....

(really, that isnt as funny unless you have a brain like me that sings everything, if you think of the Arctic monkeys song, Mardy bum, you'll get it. but it's not funny, because i've just explained it.... Damn!)

I just signed on for the first time EVER, ooooooooh. I'm both a little bit let down, because of the stigma of the usual locals who hang around the Job Centre and a little bit smug that I can blast the usual stereotype. The expectations in the eyes of the Personal Assistant and the security guards, ooooh, kiss my unemployed, skinny jean covered ass.

*my ponderings in no way shape or form cover every single PA or security guard or unemployed person on benefits*

[Scene] I walk down the road, lined with broken down B&B's held together by chip board and scaffolding, cross the road and past a group of flourescent jacketed builders, and yes, I did shake my hair and smile to myself / feel a bit grubby when I see them watching me walk past (must have been a slow day for creeping)

The air is grey, as is the road, the buildings, the clouds and if my mood could be colour coded, that would be grey too, the only colour around is the faded attempts at tourist-attracting signage.

So after a bit of time wasting on the prom, (I was almost an hour early)

 {I'll let you into a bit of a secret too, while I'm here, When I'm alone, like walking home or sat wasting time like today, I have a little howl into the wind, I mean I sing. Random lines of random songs}

I make my way to the dreaded Benefit interveiw.....

So, I went in, through the obligatory group of people smoking, sipping from cans, shouting at eachother, into the realm of the benefits office and am confronted by a hulk of a bouncer disguised as a civil servant (his job title is probably something like, customer welcoming and order assistant) who takes my name and tells me to go upstairs and sit on the sofa. of course, I'm ten minutes early, I've been brought up that way, but turns out, they tell you your appointment is ten minutes earlier than it actually is, so I have to wait 20 minutes, on a sofa in the middle of an office. It's like being in a zoo. But I sit there, reading the Times Education Supplement and get some funny looks while doing so, I felt like screaming...

YES, HELLO!!! I CAN READ!! GET BACK TO JUDGING PEOPLE AND ORGANISING YOUR WEEKEND.

Then I get called over by.... we shall call her Deirdre, who takes my details, asks what work I've done, my qualifications, my health.... Wait, what's that... that look on your face, dear deirdre? No, I'm not lying, why would I? yes, a clean driving license, No I wasn't KICKED out of uni and I didn't FAIL...

Yes deirdre, I can manage to apply for 6 jobs a week, it's not a problem...

6 to ten days for my first payment? wow, thanks, thats great news, Crisis loan? Um, no, I'll be ok, thanks, really, I'm pretty sure I'm not in crisis, I can still apply? oh... um.... nah your ok....

so she didn't say all of that, but you know when you can sense what a person means  or wants to say, the tilt of the head, the raised eye brow.... 


So there..... pretty painless I guess and yes, I am luckier than most, I have a lovely set of parents that are willing to keep me warm and fed and support me in my decisions, even though I have eaten 12 fish fingers and half a block of cheese in the last two days and I am totally grateful that I live in a country that can support people in a time of need, I'm not, however,  proud that people ride the system, but good lord, it sounds like it'd be pretty easy to do.

Best get back to eating my way to type 2 diabetes and filling my quota of 6 job applications for the week.

X

you could say this is a poor start to a new year....

But gosh darn, I'm not too fussed at the moment.

Yes, I have no job, My straighteners are held together with sellotape and left over foil from a chocolate coin, my tan has well and truly faded from summer, and that three pound I lost, has magicked back onto my hips.

But...

Hah! I have so much more opportunity to try out stuff. I have been searching and applying for jobs, some I haven't much interest in, some purely just for money's sake and a couple which I'd be really interested in doing.

I have time to Blog, Bake, read, lounge about... all I need is a never ending income and I'd be in my element.

Right now, I'm going to go back to drinking my tea, checking my emails every 30 seconds and paint my nails.

Dear 2012...

For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning..

new year new blog perhaps? 

I've been trying to write the first post of the year, well, since the new year. I cant.... I don't know why. I have no words for the new year yet. No. I have words. But they're stuck.

My blog, I guess has taken on a few different forms, intellectual rants, book reveiws, blow by blow accounts of days I dont want to, or really want to forget. ponderings, musing, questions for myself, answered by myself.

People have been writing about their new years resolutions, even anti-resolutions, I dont know where I stand with them, really I dont.

There's the givens, the ones everyone secretly promises themselves, to get off their bums, to eat healthy, to live life to the full; the soul destroying deadlines, the selfless, the meaningful... but how many people live up to their resolutions?

each year, at Christmas, I go to midnight mass, each year I feel guilty that I have barely stepped foot in church aside from that one bewitching hour in the last 365 days. Each time I go to church I feel comforted, peaceful, full of resolutions, to go to church, to pray more, and yes those cliches about being healthy and working out more, and then... I remember, I don't actually know what I believe in and there's also the guilt that, If I did believe in God, 100% and everything that christianity preaches, then I wouldn't be the best christian.

I've slept with men I don't know, Had one night stands, drunk too much, danced like a hoochie, I agreed to marry someone when I wasn't sure, I've used people for sex, I get frustrated at some people who call themselves christian and I doubt their faith, I aborted a baby, I've judged people, I waste money on material things, I've made people feel belittled, I don't give money to charity, I don't defend christianity when it is the religion I was baptised into...

I don't know what this means, or why I'm writing it, but I feel it needs to get out of my system before my new year can really begin. Maybe if I get them out of the way now, things will come together.

Sometimes I wish I had more faith. In a God. In myself.

A new year, New words, New beginnings. Love and wishes to you all x