Dear 2012...

For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning..

new year new blog perhaps? 

I've been trying to write the first post of the year, well, since the new year. I cant.... I don't know why. I have no words for the new year yet. No. I have words. But they're stuck.

My blog, I guess has taken on a few different forms, intellectual rants, book reveiws, blow by blow accounts of days I dont want to, or really want to forget. ponderings, musing, questions for myself, answered by myself.

People have been writing about their new years resolutions, even anti-resolutions, I dont know where I stand with them, really I dont.

There's the givens, the ones everyone secretly promises themselves, to get off their bums, to eat healthy, to live life to the full; the soul destroying deadlines, the selfless, the meaningful... but how many people live up to their resolutions?

each year, at Christmas, I go to midnight mass, each year I feel guilty that I have barely stepped foot in church aside from that one bewitching hour in the last 365 days. Each time I go to church I feel comforted, peaceful, full of resolutions, to go to church, to pray more, and yes those cliches about being healthy and working out more, and then... I remember, I don't actually know what I believe in and there's also the guilt that, If I did believe in God, 100% and everything that christianity preaches, then I wouldn't be the best christian.

I've slept with men I don't know, Had one night stands, drunk too much, danced like a hoochie, I agreed to marry someone when I wasn't sure, I've used people for sex, I get frustrated at some people who call themselves christian and I doubt their faith, I aborted a baby, I've judged people, I waste money on material things, I've made people feel belittled, I don't give money to charity, I don't defend christianity when it is the religion I was baptised into...

I don't know what this means, or why I'm writing it, but I feel it needs to get out of my system before my new year can really begin. Maybe if I get them out of the way now, things will come together.

Sometimes I wish I had more faith. In a God. In myself.

A new year, New words, New beginnings. Love and wishes to you all x

7 days to go!

What a fab day I've had today (Saturday) :-)

Firstly, oh my, very much appreciated being woken up after a lie in, with a lovely hot mug of tea, Thankyou very much BS!

Today we went on a road trip, BS had an accident in her car the other day, nearly flipped in over after sliding on some black ice, she wasn't hurt thank god but wrote her car off and has been super stressed with dealing with the insurance and sorting out a car for work. So today we went to find a new car, done deal. very proud of her bargaining techniques also! money off, new tyres, promises of a full valet and touch up on the paint work, get in there!

We also went for a bit of shopping I totally shouldn't go shopping anymore. i'm an addict. and had a macdonalds, I got a new hat (pictures above) and a teeshirt, and then little bits of fun for L and M's xmas. I also accidentally bought some dolmades (stuffed vine leaves) and baklava (pastries with honey and nuts) off the christmas market.

And now, the kids are on their way to bed, I dont have work and BS and I are going to stuff ourselves full of chocolate cake, do a bit of tidying up and watch a film/do the wii.

(in reality, both me and BS had cake, a whole big chunk of brie and crackers between us as fell asleep watching the Kings Speech before 10pm, hardcore!)

Love children, couldn't eat a whole one though

The above statement is almost entirely true. I do very much love most children, but I couldn't even eat a tiny bit of one, that would be both disgusting and cruel.

I am loving spending so much time with L and M (my neice and nephew) and big sis. it's lovely, I'm part of their routine at the moment. Each morning, me and BS are usually bombarded with the kids at about half 6, then somehow breakfast gets made, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday I take M to school and L goes with BS to nursery, then I pick him up again at 1 and we chill out till BS brings M home from school and usually theres a mad rush for dinner before I go to work. Thursday and Friday it's been just me and the little dude, usually making a mess, sticking, playing cars and generally getting into trouble. Tommorow for instance is Duvet and DVD day.

Did I tell you I got a job? I'm back to waitressing, which I haven't done since I was 18 and working in the pub. It's hard work, very physical, running back and fore with plates piled up or lined up 3 along your arm at once... I've been there since the week I came here, whats that, three weeks now? gosh, time fly's! It's going ok, I've not f**ked up too much, and i'm getting into the swing of things. I have to keep telling myself to keep thinking of the money.

So back to the kids, They are super super cute, and clever and funny. for the most part I think they like having me around, although me and the boy don't get on until past 10am, I don't know what it is, he just doesn't like me until then, though once you've got your head around it, it works out OK.

BS keeps trying to hire me out as a children's entertainer or something, (I say keeps, she's mentioned it like twice) The kids think I'm nuts, dancing and singing and skipping to school, poor little mites, a trip to or from school is not just a trip to and from school with Aunty 'nona, it's a language lesson, dance party, treasure hunt olympic games, singalong extravenganza!

It's awesome to be around kids at christmas time too, we had a super time the other night putting all the decorations up

We've been for breakfast with santa and his raindeer,

fed the ducks,

and I've watched exquisite performances of two plays,

Children of the world

and, Whoops a daisy angel.

Merry Christmas! (almost)