Lent day two

I don't do New Years resolutions but I do try to do Lent,

So, got back on Monday and I have been DOING constantly, not useful tick-off-my-list stuff but I've been spending time with friends etc, all very essential. It just so happens that Lent has given me the perfect opportunity to change my ways, and kind of have my very own new years.

So Shrove tuesday I didnt actually have pancakes, fail I know. you see I was going to make them for breakfast, perfect, but then dad said he was going to make them later, so I never made them, then I just pottered about and went for a bit of a social call.

Wednesday, I got a fab new hair cut, I went to see my friend in class who studying hairdressing at college and helped her get a few assesments ticked off while being pampered for a few hours with head massagey hair washing and cutting and layering and cutting some more. She did a super job and I got an amazing new hair style, AND tips on how to style it dead easily for a small donation towards materials. Seriously go and check out a hair college near you (I went to Blackpool and the Fylde college), I've always been like, ugh, I don't know what to do with my hair... so I pretty much gave her free reign to cut away

So while having my 'do' done, I was contemplating and discussing what to give up for lent... drum roll please.......

I am giving up Crisps and Alcohol. and taking up Pilates.

So far so good.

feeling very refreshed x

Back in from the cold!

I'm back, from a really chilled out two weeks in Grindelwald, Bern, Switzerland. Chilled out in many senses of the word!

It was work, which I shall get onto, however I was thinking on my 17 year long journey home from the airport yesterday, I can't think of one moment when I was stressed or angry or annoyed. Happy days! 

While I've been away I took a couple of books with me, one is called 'Destructive emotions and how to overcome them'. Sounds like a self help book, it isnt. It's a narration of one of a series of incredible sounding seminars between the Dalai Lama and loads of scientists, physiologists, phsycologists theorists written up by Daniel Goleman, I've already raved about one of his other books, emotional intelligence in one of my other posts. 

It's a good read, really interesting and I am seriously considering buddism or at least a bit of meditation. I took it to babysitting one night while I was away, the parents came back, and theyre always quite surprised to find you reading instead of slobbed out in front of the telly or on the laptop, but the parents came in, I was sat with this book in my hand about destructive emotions, with my goofy reading look on and wearing my uniform which makes me look really butch and slightly like a lesbian. Well they looked a bit like they were thinking, 'shit, who have we left our kids with? a phsyco bitch? I hope that books working' Funny. 

young love

So yes, Grindelwald is beautiful. I've been working with a 'luxury family holiday operator', which are painfully expensive and exclusive, as a creche assistant, which entailed working with another lady looking after the grand total of...... 3 children in creche, and taking one out to ski lessons every morning, then babysitting every night. it's not a bad job, with us we had 3 people in charge of the older kids and 4 ski guides in charge of the bigger kids (i.e. adults). I'd definatly say I had the least demanding job of all being in the creche. but I'm not going to complain. 

I took to my skis for the first time a few days after we flew out and didnt have much chance after that. I got really frustrated with myself, how hard is it to learn how to move differently? I kept on and on, side stepping up the littlest hill and whizzing down again and I. Just. Didnt. Get. IT. 

until I did, after 5 hours and the help of one of the local ski instructors (a friend of a girl we were working with) who was an actual godsend and taught us on her day off. so then I snow ploughed the life out of that tiny hill and finally worked up the courage to go on the tiny magic carpet up and do a little bit of a run a bumpy bit. it was great fun, I can't wait to get some more ski time. However I am desperate to try snow boarding, it looks so much cooler. 

I have so many things I want to blog, but if at all possible I'm even less organised than normal and I have a suitcase full of washing and bed room that needs tidying, mail to open and all the other things your supposed to do as a sensible adult who's just back from a trip away.

I shall return soon and regale you with stories of love, lust, adventure and humorous stories, or I may just blog some more... 

x

And a special mention to my beautiful, amazing friends who created this amazing cake as a welcome home present! If I could cry, I would have. made my day.

beating myself up

If I were you, I'd tell me to get a grip.

If I were you, I'd tell me to get up, go out, do something.

If I were you, I'd tell me to enjoy having some time out, to take the chance to do what I always complain that I don't have time to do. or see, hear and experience things that I miss when I'm not here.

You, would tell me (being you) that it's hard to get out of bed, to get dressed before 12, because theirs nothing to get up for.

If I were you, I'd shake my head and tell me that you don't know how lucky you are.

If you were me, what would you do? get up early? Go for a walk? or have a lie in and relentlessly scroll through pages upon pages of job adverts that want me (being you) and not you (being me). Write up the list of rejections to show just what you're doing with your time?

If I were you

If you were me...?

well now then Doley bum....

(really, that isnt as funny unless you have a brain like me that sings everything, if you think of the Arctic monkeys song, Mardy bum, you'll get it. but it's not funny, because i've just explained it.... Damn!)

I just signed on for the first time EVER, ooooooooh. I'm both a little bit let down, because of the stigma of the usual locals who hang around the Job Centre and a little bit smug that I can blast the usual stereotype. The expectations in the eyes of the Personal Assistant and the security guards, ooooh, kiss my unemployed, skinny jean covered ass.

*my ponderings in no way shape or form cover every single PA or security guard or unemployed person on benefits*

[Scene] I walk down the road, lined with broken down B&B's held together by chip board and scaffolding, cross the road and past a group of flourescent jacketed builders, and yes, I did shake my hair and smile to myself / feel a bit grubby when I see them watching me walk past (must have been a slow day for creeping)

The air is grey, as is the road, the buildings, the clouds and if my mood could be colour coded, that would be grey too, the only colour around is the faded attempts at tourist-attracting signage.

So after a bit of time wasting on the prom, (I was almost an hour early)

 {I'll let you into a bit of a secret too, while I'm here, When I'm alone, like walking home or sat wasting time like today, I have a little howl into the wind, I mean I sing. Random lines of random songs}

I make my way to the dreaded Benefit interveiw.....

So, I went in, through the obligatory group of people smoking, sipping from cans, shouting at eachother, into the realm of the benefits office and am confronted by a hulk of a bouncer disguised as a civil servant (his job title is probably something like, customer welcoming and order assistant) who takes my name and tells me to go upstairs and sit on the sofa. of course, I'm ten minutes early, I've been brought up that way, but turns out, they tell you your appointment is ten minutes earlier than it actually is, so I have to wait 20 minutes, on a sofa in the middle of an office. It's like being in a zoo. But I sit there, reading the Times Education Supplement and get some funny looks while doing so, I felt like screaming...

YES, HELLO!!! I CAN READ!! GET BACK TO JUDGING PEOPLE AND ORGANISING YOUR WEEKEND.

Then I get called over by.... we shall call her Deirdre, who takes my details, asks what work I've done, my qualifications, my health.... Wait, what's that... that look on your face, dear deirdre? No, I'm not lying, why would I? yes, a clean driving license, No I wasn't KICKED out of uni and I didn't FAIL...

Yes deirdre, I can manage to apply for 6 jobs a week, it's not a problem...

6 to ten days for my first payment? wow, thanks, thats great news, Crisis loan? Um, no, I'll be ok, thanks, really, I'm pretty sure I'm not in crisis, I can still apply? oh... um.... nah your ok....

so she didn't say all of that, but you know when you can sense what a person means  or wants to say, the tilt of the head, the raised eye brow.... 


So there..... pretty painless I guess and yes, I am luckier than most, I have a lovely set of parents that are willing to keep me warm and fed and support me in my decisions, even though I have eaten 12 fish fingers and half a block of cheese in the last two days and I am totally grateful that I live in a country that can support people in a time of need, I'm not, however,  proud that people ride the system, but good lord, it sounds like it'd be pretty easy to do.

Best get back to eating my way to type 2 diabetes and filling my quota of 6 job applications for the week.

X

Dear 2012...

For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning..

new year new blog perhaps? 

I've been trying to write the first post of the year, well, since the new year. I cant.... I don't know why. I have no words for the new year yet. No. I have words. But they're stuck.

My blog, I guess has taken on a few different forms, intellectual rants, book reveiws, blow by blow accounts of days I dont want to, or really want to forget. ponderings, musing, questions for myself, answered by myself.

People have been writing about their new years resolutions, even anti-resolutions, I dont know where I stand with them, really I dont.

There's the givens, the ones everyone secretly promises themselves, to get off their bums, to eat healthy, to live life to the full; the soul destroying deadlines, the selfless, the meaningful... but how many people live up to their resolutions?

each year, at Christmas, I go to midnight mass, each year I feel guilty that I have barely stepped foot in church aside from that one bewitching hour in the last 365 days. Each time I go to church I feel comforted, peaceful, full of resolutions, to go to church, to pray more, and yes those cliches about being healthy and working out more, and then... I remember, I don't actually know what I believe in and there's also the guilt that, If I did believe in God, 100% and everything that christianity preaches, then I wouldn't be the best christian.

I've slept with men I don't know, Had one night stands, drunk too much, danced like a hoochie, I agreed to marry someone when I wasn't sure, I've used people for sex, I get frustrated at some people who call themselves christian and I doubt their faith, I aborted a baby, I've judged people, I waste money on material things, I've made people feel belittled, I don't give money to charity, I don't defend christianity when it is the religion I was baptised into...

I don't know what this means, or why I'm writing it, but I feel it needs to get out of my system before my new year can really begin. Maybe if I get them out of the way now, things will come together.

Sometimes I wish I had more faith. In a God. In myself.

A new year, New words, New beginnings. Love and wishes to you all x

3031 veiws! yeah baby!

Ducking hell, I cant believe how many people read this!

Now just before you start rolling your eyes, I'm not doing this to be popular/get as many veiws as possible or become famous etc etc, I just write my blog because... I do. But yay!

I wrote My first Post in February of this year, so thats, what, almost 10 months ago, in some ways, I've grown in those ten months, in some ways I'm still the same. It also means I've been single for 10 months, as when I started blogging, I'd made alot of big decisions, decided to quit my job, to work abroad, to put an end to my long term relationship, to find myself again (as cheesy as that sounds) and to live more.

so now I'm making decisions again.

I just wanted to Thank YOU for reading my blog so far, and by YOU I mean family, friends, fellow bloggers and those people who have stumbled across my blog while searching for things like....

• being accident prone
  
• is my brain shrinking?
  
• rule number 23
  
• a sneaky wee
  
• pig bellies
  
• can I give myself whiplash?
  
• My mind is complicated

Honest to god, these are how some people have come across day dreams from feef, I dont know wehter that says more about my writing, or how random people are...

Love you lots,

New posts coming soon :-D

Being accident prone is no joke.

Coincidentally, I write this on a, so far, accident free day.

So for as long as I can remember I have built up a catalog of little accidents, mishaps, calamities and f**k ups. I don't know why, I just always have been a little bit prone to both minor injuries and making a tit out of myself. 

and at the grand age of 22, I'm getting a little bit bored of it.

I've created a list of little accidents that have happened since I flew to better climates in May

• The first day of work, I slipped down the steps in the pool and had bruised shins for three weeks.
• I also had a swollen right foot for a few weeks too. un explained but frikkin painful.
• I cut and scraped my leg climbing a tree on more than one occasion.
• cut open my knee climbing up a wall.
• I have a third degree burn-scar on my right inside ankle from burning on the exhaust of a motor bike.
• I slipped down some steps when I got out of the shower one day. my foot swelled up and my little tow went purple, couldnt really walk either...
• I bruised and scraped my knees and shins climbing some rocks...
• I always bashed my head off the window on the bus, just trying to see that little bit further...
• Bought some new flip flops after breaking three pairs, and slipped over in them about 6 times in one week.
• I had a fight with a sun lounger and bashed my nose in.
• last week I headbutted the roof of the minibus when I got in on the way to babysit
• three nights ago I stepped into the van and slipped straight out again. (of the van that is, oversharing/exposure is another one of my many faults, but it didnt happen this time)
• last night I was over gesticulating and bashed my Elbow off the door in the van again. It wasn't even a good story. 

And that's just when I'm SOBER!

I think I'm still feeling that Gangly stage, you know the one we all get when we're a teenager and your body parts grow at different speeds. I remember being about 14 and my legs being massively out of proportion to the rest of me, in length that is, I just didn't know what to do with myself. I wasn't leggy like you'd describe say.... 'ooh that leggy blonde' but I did feel like my legs didn't stop til my armpits. I'm in a better proportion now, well at least the rest of me has grown outwards, but I'm still walking around and bumping into things and tripping over, like the 14 year old gangly geek I was. 

Blogging for Blog sake

Bit of an awkward moment there.....


A parent of one of the children I'm babysitting just noticed that I'm on Blogger while I sit outside and wait for them to leave and asked 'so what do you write about?' 


well.....  so now he probably thinks I Blog/ bitch about the people I work for.... hmm, awkward. 


Dearest stallion discovered my site also, recently. 


when people discover you Blog, they always seem to want to know what you're saying about them. 


Not that I write about anyone in particular, and if I do, I don't to put names or write anything detrimental.


So now I'm really getting into it, and people are reading it, I only have 10 *followers* I know there are people who check in regularly and read what's going on in  my world. I like that people read it, but I like that it's personal, and separate. I'd rather people read it, than me explain or tell them what it's about. it's not a secret, but I write it because it's easier to write out some of your crazy than let it slip into conversation. 


I hope my writing is a bit of everything, it's just me, chirpy and light hearted most of the time but with a layer of deep thought and hope and wanting with the occasional slice of nuttiness thrown in for good measure.


So, dearest reader, How do I tell people to read it without sounding grumpy, rude or that I'm trying to boost my view count? 


That's what's on my mind. read it, enjoy it/ don't, make conversation about it, comment. your will is your own, my blog is for reading. 


Lots of Love


Me x