And so the penny drops...

Here we go then...

The penny has finally dropped and I've started to realise how much I'm going to miss the people I see and speak to every day. I think yesterday was how it happened.

I had a long but fun filled day yesterday, it was the second meeting of the Hospital youth forum that a collegue and I set up. I love my job, cut all the crap out, all the rubbish going on with redundancies and the higher management club, I love it. I love working with young people and yesterday I was explaining to one lad who didnt belive that the forum could make a difference, Empowering young people is what keeps me going. it's what I live and breathe for. And that was probably the last time I will work with a group of young people in Blackpool :-(

It breaks my heart to see the young people we work with hurting that they wont have the groups or the team any more. they really are heart broken, one girl said she feels like she will go back to being invisible without the groups. They have all said that we are their family, that we are the only people they can trust and that we've given them a reason and the balls to go for what they want and deserve out of life.

My team are ace, absolutely amazing, they get on my nerves sometimes, and we stress each other out but they are like my family. Two of the bosses, i've known them for 6 years now. 6 years! It's really sad to think that, aside from me leaving for my adventure, all the them could lose their jobs, and the team is no more after this month.

I was awake most of the night last night, not crying but fretting and thinking about how different everything is going to be, I'm going to come back from my jaunt, and they wont be there. I hope they all find really great jobs and we can all keep in touch. I'll be so sad otherwise. Being with Andy for so long but with him being away they all looked out for me loads and can always tell how I am and when I'm putting on a front.

Much like my friends. Eee, I have fun with them, I was talking to Tash the other night, actually when I was writing my last blog, everyone changes when they're in a relationship dont they, but since the break up I've felt so much more like me. that's not to say that I haven't loved Him, or spending time with Him, and he wasnt in any way controlling or making me change, but I am Me again.

And my family... ohhh, I'm gonna miss my neice and nephews soo much, I haven't seen Theo and Luke for a few weeks and before that it was at christmas. I'm going to see Wendy, my big sister and her husband and the kids this weekend coming, thet'll be nice. by the time I'm back in the UK Megan will be 5, as will Luke, Theo will have had his first birthday and Lewis will nearly be 4.

I still have no idea where I am going, no actually final date for anything, and I'm not sure what my accomodation will be like either. Worrying? Nah, I'll be fine, it's all part of the fun.

ETD 28 days

(I've just proof read this and I realise it sounds really morbid, like i'm being put behind bars or going on a tour of duty with the army or somthing, in reality I know that I will have a great time and I'm pretty sure it is going to be one of the best decisions I've ever made, but I'm still sad to leave people x x)