Frikkin internet is down so I’m blogging
I don’t mean it like, oh, theres nothing else to do.... this is what I mean;
I’ve just made a decision, I’m going back to UNI. I miss it. I actually feel a little bit empty without it. A bit like when you know you’ve not packed a toothbrush when your going away, or you have a sneaking suspicion that somthing isn’t right.
I know it.
Maybe I was a bit foolish not going this September as planned, but hey ho. If I had I wouldn’t be feeling this urge, I need to go back.
I think the time has given me the opportunity to set myself up right. So what, I have perhaps from one perspective wasted a little bit of time, but hey, what’s a year? I’ve been reading, I’ve been thinking, reflecting, and jesus, I feel like I could go and write three whole essays on anything and everything.
This could be linked to the effort I’ve made tonight, treated myself. I’ve been for the first run in about a year (and after putting on about a stone since my last) and then swam and then, I did a face mask and read. I feel GOOOOOOD.
So I’m a bit frustrated because I the internet isn’t enabling my begging emails to Ms Torrence and also to the boss so that I can leave next season early. I just want to DO. SOMETHING. I’m at a very uncertain point right now and to know that I have made at least one decision about the not to distant future is great, but I want to act on it. I shall just have to wait. And read.
So my current book, which I LOVE (!) is Emotional Intelligence: why it can matter more than IQ (by Daniel Groleman (I keep going to write Dave Grohl, ha)
The two chapters so far that have really... Moved (?) me are Mind and Medicine and The Family Crucible. The first one, really relates to my feelings toward the work I did with the hospital and with the mental health service, or really the work I wanted to do I suppose.
It’s like he’s written my mind for me, aside from the actual scientific stuff that I would never have discovered. He describes and proves the link between emotions and the Immune system, the impact our emotions have on health and then the impact emotions have on recovery from ill health.
One bit that I find soo scary, but really interesting, is the possibility of Anger and hostility causing heart disease leading to heart attacks. Woah. How many kids do we see who are hostile and angry (with just cause) in youth work. Obviously they need help to sort out whatever is going on with them, but just think how important it actually is, to help them work through their anger and deal with it.
Then in the family chapter, I feel a bit sad (and maybe if some of my family read this they may dislike what I’m going to talk about, but hey, it’s my blog)
I won’t go through what it talks about but I had to put the book down, I was just thinking.... S**T, the boys are actually going to be really affected by this, and they totally are, you can see it. Not just because of the obvious break up and stress, but because of the emotional issues and then the pressure on them to live up to the male stereo type. (If you are reading this, beware, I am not judging, I have never attempted to bring up a child and I am never, will never lecture you on how you should bring up yours)
[Earlier in the book, I was comparing myself to the people they describe as having no emotion = Zero empathy = psychopath (it doesn’t read exactly like that...) and I got a bit worried, because I find it difficult to show emotion. I’m not worried now though, I totally want to cry]
I love my book.
I want to go back to study sooner than I expected.
I think I only want to do it part time.
I still don’t have a job when I get home.
But today has been a good day.
Totally just finished my first season.