Frikkin internet is down so I’m blogging
I don’t mean it like, oh, theres nothing else to do.... this
is what I mean;
I’ve just made a decision, I’m going back to UNI. I miss it.
I actually feel a little bit empty without it. A bit like when you know you’ve
not packed a toothbrush when your going away, or you have a sneaking suspicion
that somthing isn’t right.
I know it.
Maybe I was a bit foolish not going this September as
planned, but hey ho. If I had I wouldn’t be feeling this urge, I need to go
back.
I think the time has given me the opportunity to set myself
up right. So what, I have perhaps from one perspective wasted a little bit of
time, but hey, what’s a year? I’ve been reading, I’ve been thinking,
reflecting, and jesus, I feel like I could go and write three whole essays on
anything and everything.
This could be linked to the effort I’ve made tonight,
treated myself. I’ve been for the first run in about a year (and after putting
on about a stone since my last) and then swam and then, I did a face mask and
read. I feel GOOOOOOD.
So I’m a bit frustrated because I the internet isn’t
enabling my begging emails to Ms Torrence and also to the boss so that I can
leave next season early. I just want to DO. SOMETHING. I’m at a very uncertain
point right now and to know that I have made at least one decision about the
not to distant future is great, but I want to act on it. I shall just have to
wait. And read.
So my current book, which I LOVE (!) is Emotional
Intelligence: why it can matter more than IQ (by Daniel Groleman (I keep going
to write Dave Grohl, ha)
The two chapters so far that have really... Moved (?) me are
Mind and Medicine and The Family Crucible. The first one, really relates to my
feelings toward the work I did with the hospital and with the mental health
service, or really the work I wanted to do I suppose.
It’s like he’s written my
mind for me, aside from the actual scientific stuff that I would never have
discovered. He describes and proves the link between emotions and the Immune
system, the impact our emotions have on health and then the impact emotions
have on recovery from ill health.
One bit that I find soo scary, but really interesting, is
the possibility of Anger and hostility causing heart disease leading to heart
attacks. Woah. How many kids do we see who are hostile and angry (with just
cause) in youth work. Obviously they need help to sort out whatever is going on
with them, but just think how important it actually is, to help them work
through their anger and deal with it.
Then in the family chapter, I feel a bit sad (and maybe if
some of my family read this they may dislike what I’m going to talk about, but
hey, it’s my blog)
I won’t go through what it talks about but I had to put the
book down, I was just thinking.... S**T, the boys are actually going to be
really affected by this, and they totally are, you can see it. Not just because
of the obvious break up and stress, but because of the emotional issues and
then the pressure on them to live up to the male stereo type. (If you are
reading this, beware, I am not judging, I have never attempted to bring up a
child and I am never, will never lecture you on how you should bring up yours)
[Earlier in the book, I was comparing myself to the people
they describe as having no emotion = Zero empathy = psychopath (it doesn’t read
exactly like that...) and I got a bit worried, because I find it difficult to
show emotion. I’m not worried now though, I totally want to cry]
So yeah.
I love my book.
I want to go back to study sooner than I expected.
I think I only want to do it part time.
I still don’t have a job when I get home.
But today has been a good day.
Totally just finished my first season.
x
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