Friday 28 October 2011

I needed to write this.


Frikkin internet is down so I’m blogging

I don’t mean it like, oh, theres nothing else to do.... this is what I mean;

I’ve just made a decision, I’m going back to UNI. I miss it. I actually feel a little bit empty without it. A bit like when you know you’ve not packed a toothbrush when your going away, or you have a sneaking suspicion that somthing isn’t right.

I know it.

Maybe I was a bit foolish not going this September as planned, but hey ho. If I had I wouldn’t be feeling this urge, I need to go back.

I think the time has given me the opportunity to set myself up right. So what, I have perhaps from one perspective wasted a little bit of time, but hey, what’s a year? I’ve been reading, I’ve been thinking, reflecting, and jesus, I feel like I could go and write three whole essays on anything and everything.

This could be linked to the effort I’ve made tonight, treated myself. I’ve been for the first run in about a year (and after putting on about a stone since my last) and then swam and then, I did a face mask and read. I feel GOOOOOOD.

So I’m a bit frustrated because I the internet isn’t enabling my begging emails to Ms Torrence and also to the boss so that I can leave next season early. I just want to DO. SOMETHING. I’m at a very uncertain point right now and to know that I have made at least one decision about the not to distant future is great, but I want to act on it. I shall just have to wait. And read.


So my current book, which I LOVE (!) is Emotional Intelligence: why it can matter more than IQ (by Daniel Groleman (I keep going to write Dave Grohl, ha)

The two chapters so far that have really... Moved (?) me are Mind and Medicine and The Family Crucible. The first one, really relates to my feelings toward the work I did with the hospital and with the mental health service, or really the work I wanted to do I suppose.

 It’s like he’s written my mind for me, aside from the actual scientific stuff that I would never have discovered. He describes and proves the link between emotions and the Immune system, the impact our emotions have on health and then the impact emotions have on recovery from ill health.

One bit that I find soo scary, but really interesting, is the possibility of Anger and hostility causing heart disease leading to heart attacks. Woah. How many kids do we see who are hostile and angry (with just cause) in youth work. Obviously they need help to sort out whatever is going on with them, but just think how important it actually is, to help them work through their anger and deal with it.

Then in the family chapter, I feel a bit sad (and maybe if some of my family read this they may dislike what I’m going to talk about, but hey, it’s my blog)

I won’t go through what it talks about but I had to put the book down, I was just thinking.... S**T, the boys are actually going to be really affected by this, and they totally are, you can see it. Not just because of the obvious break up and stress, but because of the emotional issues and then the pressure on them to live up to the male stereo type. (If you are reading this, beware, I am not judging, I have never attempted to bring up a child and I am never, will never lecture you on how you should bring up yours)

[Earlier in the book, I was comparing myself to the people they describe as having no emotion = Zero empathy = psychopath (it doesn’t read exactly like that...) and I got a bit worried, because I find it difficult to show emotion. I’m not worried now though, I totally want to cry]

So yeah.

I love my book.

I want to go back to study sooner than I expected.

I think I only want to do it part time.

I still don’t have a job when I get home.

But today has been a good day.

Totally just finished my first season.
x


Wednesday 26 October 2011

Being accident prone is no joke.







Coincidentally, I write this on a, so far, accident free day.

So for as long as I can remember I have built up a catalog of little accidents, mishaps, calamities and f**k ups. I don't know why, I just always have been a little bit prone to both minor injuries and making a tit out of myself. 

and at the grand age of 22, I'm getting a little bit bored of it.


I've created a list of little accidents that have happened since I flew to better climates in May
  • The first day of work, I slipped down the steps in the pool and had bruised shins for three weeks.
  • I also had a swollen right foot for a few weeks too. un explained but frikkin painful.
  • I cut and scraped my leg climbing a tree on more than one occasion.
  • cut open my knee climbing up a wall.
  • I have a third degree burn-scar on my right inside ankle from burning on the exhaust of a motor bike.
  • I slipped down some steps when I got out of the shower one day. my foot swelled up and my little tow went purple, couldnt really walk either...
  • I bruised and scraped my knees and shins climbing some rocks...
  • I always bashed my head off the window on the bus, just trying to see that little bit further...
  • Bought some new flip flops after breaking three pairs, and slipped over in them about 6 times in one week.
  • I had a fight with a sun lounger and bashed my nose in.
  • last week I headbutted the roof of the minibus when I got in on the way to babysit
  • three nights ago I stepped into the van and slipped straight out again. (of the van that is, oversharing/exposure is another one of my many faults, but it didnt happen this time)
  • last night I was over gesticulating and bashed my Elbow off the door in the van again. It wasn't even a good story. 
And that's just when I'm SOBER!


I think I'm still feeling that Gangly stage, you know the one we all get when we're a teenager and your body parts grow at different speeds. I remember being about 14 and my legs being massively out of proportion to the rest of me, in length that is, I just didn't know what to do with myself. I wasn't leggy like you'd describe say.... 'ooh that leggy blonde' but I did feel like my legs didn't stop til my armpits. I'm in a better proportion now, well at least the rest of me has grown outwards, but I'm still walking around and bumping into things and tripping over, like the 14 year old gangly geek I was. 



Sunday 23 October 2011

Blogging for Blog sake

Bit of an awkward moment there.....


A parent of one of the children I'm babysitting just noticed that I'm on Blogger while I sit outside and wait for them to leave and asked 'so what do you write about?' 


well.....  so now he probably thinks I Blog/ bitch about the people I work for.... hmm, awkward. 


Dearest stallion discovered my site also, recently


when people discover you Blog, they always seem to want to know what you're saying about them. 


Not that I write about anyone in particular, and if I do, I don't to put names or write anything detrimental.


So now I'm really getting into it, and people are reading it, I only have 10 *followers* I know there are people who check in regularly and read what's going on in  my world. I like that people read it, but I like that it's personal, and separate. I'd rather people read it, than me explain or tell them what it's about. it's not a secret, but I write it because it's easier to write out some of your crazy than let it slip into conversation. 


I hope my writing is a bit of everything, it's just me, chirpy and light hearted most of the time but with a layer of deep thought and hope and wanting with the occasional slice of nuttiness thrown in for good measure.


So, dearest reader, How do I tell people to read it without sounding grumpy, rude or that I'm trying to boost my view count? 


That's what's on my mind. read it, enjoy it/ don't, make conversation about it, comment. your will is your own, my blog is for reading. 


Lots of Love


Me x

Tuesday 18 October 2011

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr


For the first time in a long while, I don’t actually know what to write. I just think that I need to.

So this is going to be a bit of an adventure maybe.

At first I was thinking I should tell you about a thought I had, following on from the theme of some of my other posts. To start with, there are two places, aside from exotic or exhilarating landscapes that really prompt me to start thinking. The first, of course, is the toilet. I have actually on occasion gone and sat on the loo, just to help me think or remember something. It used to be as a distraction, i.e. from work, studying, being told off.


The second is 36,000 feet in the air. It doesn’t have to be 36,000 exactly, but it helps.

It’s a weird place to be. Suspended in mid air, surrounded by strangers and strange people, nothing to look at but the backs of people’s heads and the inflight magazine or safety card. It’s like.... nothing. Nowhere?

Anyway back to my thought, which at the time was quite exciting, for me anyway. Maybe, just maybe I should listen to people and Maybe, Perhaps, teaching could be something I could get into. Not yet, I’m still in full on drift mode (although potentially being unemployed in..... less than three weeks is more than daunting) but I could so work in one of them Pupil referral units, the one’s where kids go when they’re in trouble or not getting on in school. I think that’d be cool. Hard work (for sure) but cool.

So that was my thought. But really, in my drifting style, I need to think of now.


I’m applying for jobs everywhere, bars, shops, and restaurants in both Grantham and Blackpool. I cannot begin to imagine how it feels to be out of work for a long time. It’ll be fine though. I just need to find something, anything, to tide me over.

So what else am I pin balling, I hear you ask. Well,
Cooking and how freakin amazing it feels to COOK again. Ahh! Our apartment has a bit of a kitchen you see. Nothing special, but oh my, it’s nice. I’m going to make a cake. I’ve already made butternut squash risotto, a courgette bake thing and my new invention, Lazy Soup. 


Lazy soup has all the qualities of normal, hearty homemade soup, but is especially for the lazy or pushed for time among us.
Here is a rough idea of a lazy soup. More of instructions than recipe.
Find fresh vegetables (I say fresh, I used partly dried out squash, floppy carrots and half a broccoli)
Chop roughly
Put water in a saucepan onto boil. Add an onion, stock cube and seasoning.
Boil vegetables for as long as you have (ideally they would be fully cooked.)
Blend and serve.
YUM.

I’m going to be searching my blog reading list for a good simple chocolate cake to bake on a budget. Once I get on the net that is. Roll on nap time at the crèche.

Saturday 15 October 2011

too awake to sleep


Just a quick one.

  • ·         I really can’t speak Spanish
  • ·         I can sleep ALOT
  • ·         Never float aimlessly around oddly shaped pools
  • ·         The following people think that ‘Blogging’ is code for something sexual; HRH golden Gorilla, Pam, Amy and Nat.
  • ·         Cut on your forehead? Fringe it is!
  • ·         Where do pirates drink? – in a B-ARGHHH
I may or may not have vommed down the side of a taxi.

Monday 10 October 2011

the last 72 hours

[sat in BucksStar, Putney, London; enjoying coffee and not enjoying a cardboard pot of porridge]

The last 72 + hours have been manic! I swear!

Friday I left Crete, I didnt actually think I'd make it, but I did. I swear I have not had so much drama in a long time. Thursday night I said goodbye to my Diosce cove friends and also to a friend I made called Sam. So we went for a beer on the beach, it was supposed to be in a bar, but I got sad and my knee escaped through a massive hole in my jeans, thus exposing 3 quaters of my left leg, and leaving me feeling like a tramp. So to the beach we go, beer in hand and Its a lovely night, sat there, talking, the stars shining and reflecting off the sea, so then I hear a noise behind me, so I turn round to investigate..... and BAM! Nose versus Sun lounger. the back of the chair flips up and hits me square in the nose in a feat worthy of 'You've Been Framed' Sunlounger 1 - Nose 0. thankfully it's not broken, just a wee bit bruised and sore.

So far, not so good.

Friday morning, I wait for the taxi to take me to the airport, as arranged with the hotel, 11am comes, 11:15, swiftly flys by, still no taxi, so I run around, nearly crying (I cant actually cry) trying to find a phone, and make friends with a lovely young greek man and his dogs, who nearly ate me while I sat in his front garden. turns out the taxi hasnt been ordered after all. Shoot! my flight leaves at 1:50....

The taxi came at last and I arrive with ten minutes before check in closes, but the taxi driver, love him, turns to me and says 70 euro please.... AHHHH! So I get a little angry and phone the hotel and wait for them to ring back. squeaky bum time! it's ok though.

Check in - 3 kilo overweight (the bag that is) thank god for the lovely Greek Amy Winehouse lookalike on the desk. she lets me off.

oh my, the plane, full of screaming babies and my nail varnish explodes, ALL OVER MY BAG and neighbouring passengers.

so finally, I arrive, purple handed at Gatwick, but as soon as I get my luggage, the wheels come off. roll on 8 hours travel dragging an overweight suitcase with no wheels.

It's been lovely to be home, be it all very brief. I spent time with my family and friends, had a traditional boozy lunch with my Nan and then set off again down to London last night. (Thankyou to Tash for buying me lunch and entertaining me for hours in the pub, and for dropping me off at the bus station)

so, now, not so fresh after an 8 hour coach journey and an hour and a half on the bus, I'm on my third coffee, I'm not going to sleep for a long time I feel.

oh well. Marbs here I come! Watch out PB.. Fiona's about.

Love to you all x

Tuesday 4 October 2011

Patience is virtue, virtue is grace....

....and Grace is the little girl that wouldn't wash her face. Well I don't know who Grace but I'm sure she learnt her lesson in the end.

one of my biggest attributes, I think, is patience.

You have to be patient to work with children, you have to be patient to work with people, right? So, patient I am. Very patient.

For me, there is nothing better than the look on a kids face when you've sat and listened to him tell you all about the beach. Even though you know that same beach like the back of your hand. Even though you've also touched on subjects such as his mum's allergies and his teddy bear's favourite food, halfway through the beach story. Even though you needed to wee about 20 minutes ago, before his story started and you know that you have a cup of tea waiting for you if you could. just. end. this. story (!)

Patience...

When it takes 20 minutes to load one page so you can check your emails.

From another friend when you're in another country and can't chat and talk like we would usually. (x thank you)

Because someone who's on your mind, is trying to keep you off theirs.

When talking to that person who's on your mind is like doing a foxtrot, (quick, slow, quick, quick, slow...)

When maybe you disagree with someone you have to spend a lot of time with.

When you have three days left before you can go home and spend a few hours with your family.



Patience...




“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” (Buddhist proverb)










Saturday 1 October 2011

You cant piss on my bonfire, rain on my parade or even put a dampner on my day!

Ahh, just sent an empty post then. Silly me.

I'm so excited, I have 6 days left and even though there's issues, I don't care, nothing can get me down.

I'm on skype to stallion as we speak, ahhhh, he is a verrrrry nice man. and and and, I started sketching, like I used to do it a bit when I was 16 ish but now I can actually do it and it looks half decent. what do you think?


I probably look like I'm attention seeking, I put them on face book, but putting them on the computer kind of helps me see where I've gone wrong and compare them to photos and things. so this man here ^^ isn't perfect, everytime I look I can see bits i need to run out and draw again, but they're not too bad are they, eh?