“Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak,
sometimes it means you are strong enough to let go.”
I was thinking today, on the way home from seeing my little ol' nana about happiness and how it is so easy to not realise both when we are happy and content and also unhappy.
I am a happy person but I have been happier these last couple of months than for quite a while previous. I wasn't unhappy with him, but I was unhappy with our situation and our options.
the majority of people who read this know already but, back in February I broke up with my Fiancee. He is a lovely person, he cares about people, gives his whole heart and wants to do everything he can to make those close to him happy. He is also in the RAF (I'm using is because 'was' makes him sound dead or like he's changed, i'm sure he hasn't) and is based the other end of the country. 3+ years of saying goodbye and missing someone more often than seeing them is not a good basis for a relationship, but we battled on. Then came stress from redundancies and budget cuts and deadlines for uni assignments and not having money or time to travel up and down the country. Thinking back now I can see how much time I spent worrying about my relationship, being down and depressed because I couldn't see the person that picked me up and it all screwed up like a bit knot of rubber bands in my stomach and my head.
I am happier. I appreciate my friends more and the importance of going out and socialising with more than one person and I am free to make decisions about my life without thinking first of how it would affect my realationship.
I shall tell you why I am subdued, tonight I went to the pub with some friends and saw his dad for the first time post break up. And I felt ashamed. They saw me but I had to avoid eye contact and I have a feeling it put a dampner on some of the night.
I shouldn't be ashamed though. I made the right decision and now following more decisions, like going away my life is going to be alot different, I'm going to do some more growing, make more friends, meet interesting people and eat Greek salad til I look like an olive.
and It has led me to 1, see my wonderful friends more and 2, start writing my Blog.
“People never change. They just become more of who they really are.”
3 comments:
Hope you don't mind a random comment, but I just wanted to pop in and say it sounds like you should be proud of yourself! Decisions like this are super hard, and the best thing afterwards is be confident in you! I remember once I very randomly ended up at the same social function as one of my former husband's close colleagues ... I wanted to crawl under the table, but couldn't. You just do the best you can do. Look forward to reading more!
Lovely post. If you feel happier with your decision, then so be it.
Good luck and hope it works out ~
Thanks for your comments :-)
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